Me Myself and I.

Hi, I’m Grumpy Olde Krowe

I was curious even as a child. My poor big sister wanted someone to play with her and while I would for a bit, she would look around for me and find me up in some tree.

Nature called to me like an old friend and I felt so close to her that I felt that if I reached out my hand I could touch the face of the divine.

When I was a toddler and playing on the living room floor my mother leaned over the arm of the couch and made a face at me. “Eehehehehe! I’m a witch!” now she did stuff like that to all of us kids and grandkids.  She liked to shake us up a little bit. I think she thought it was good for us. But at the age of two or three, it registered into my thoughts as, “my mothers a witch so I must be a witch as well.”  And for years in the back of my mind I waited to learn more from her.

She didn’t actually consider herself a witch; she thought she was a Lutheran.   However, you know, she was a whole lot more than that. 

Growing up we played tip table, and guessing games and we would send someone out of the room and agree on a thing they should do and then bring them back in.  We would all concentrate on what we needed them to do and you know what? Every time they would walk over and do the very thing we wanted them to do.

When I was in my early teens she handed me a book on Edgar Cayce and told me that while she believed in Jesus, that she knew that there was something else out there and she encouraged me to go search for it.

At School I would search every book I could that could have given me answers, from religion to psychology to myths and history   I searched and wondered even more.

When I was 14 years old I said a prayer, “I wish to learn true wisdom.”  I went into deep meditation, an old man walked up to me, he had long white hair and a ling white beard tinged with gray.  He dressed in medieval clothing.  He handed me a chalice. 

“Drink this” I did, it tasted of nothing in particular.  He took it again.

“What is your name?” I asked.

“Lucifer,” he replied.

Of course that scared the living day lights out of me.  I did all the things I could think of, pray, go to church, read the bible so I wouldn’t end up in hell.

Nothing really bad ever happened to me.  I coasted along through my teens and into my 20s. 

At Church I tried to stay focused on what was going on and being said.  Some of it was nice, but frankly it never filled the hole I had for knowledge.  I kept on waiting for the real thing to happen.  It never did.

When I was in my 20s I had a failed marriage and got a divorce.  Then I had another failed relationship.  And while the men had been a**holes, I didn’t really feel that I could exclusively put the blame on them.  I had been the one who picked such men to begin with.  That was my bad.

Something wasn’t right, something wasn’t working for me.

Then it struck me.  I wasn’t living an authentic life.  I was being what everyone expected me to be without ever really questioning who I was.  And I thought back, when I was I the most happy and you know what?  I remember that girl who use to climb trees years and years ago.  That I decided was who I was and that whatever it was my true religion.  I started out in my quest.

Thinking back to my prayer as a girl, I had given the request and had been answered.  What exactly had that meant?

Lucifer, I had figured out later, while being the boogie man of the Christian church was also the snake in the tree of life who encouraged Eve to eat the apple in the first place.  And when she did her eyes were open.  The name Lucifer itself means light-bearer. And If Lucifer wanted to step up and help me with it then who was I to argue. He was the perfect metaphor for what I had really wanted.
 

 A life time of wonderment of the world around me and an unending curiosity was something worth striving towards. I can't believe that any God or Goddess who loved us would want anything else but our pure joy of learning about the universe in all it's mysteries.


About that time my Dad who was retired went back to college and we would talk at length about all that he was learning and he encouraged me to search even deeper into all that drew me.  I had a parter in my wonderment.

It was years later when I found Wicca, 

I liked to write stories.  Once when I was working on one where one of the characters read tarot cards.  I didn’t know anything about it so I asked a friend who knew something about them.  He brought me his deck and was gracious enough to let me borrow them over the weekend.

The minute he put them in my hand, I knew, these for whatever reason made sense to me.  I had to learn.  I got a deck and carried it with me everywhere.  And I studied and I read and I looked things up on line. 

Then low and behold I stumbled onto Wicca, “Thank you Christian Day and Sandra Mariah Power for your wonderful website!” Salem Tarot, look it up. It talked about the same sort of things I remembered feeling as a child! 

Wow, that’s what I am.  I’m a witch.  I knew had known it way back when I was still walking around it diapers. How funny was that?

So that’s what I am

Since then I have dedicated my life to learning the grandmother ways and the craft of the wise.  For 20+  years now I have studied, experimented, meditated and talked with others trying to learn everything I could

It is a glorious Journey.

And I am here now to talk about what I have learned.

Blessed Be, Grumpy Olde Krowe.